Single vacations: Off to Paris
If you really want to relax and enjoy your single vacations, you can do it virtually anywhere if you have enough money and a real desire - in Israel, on Canary Islands or on a safari in Kenya. Yet the first place to visit is definitely Paris, the home of masterpieces of architecture, fine wines and exquisite women.
When going to Paris for single vacations, forget about your car, your morning newspaper and your coffee with a roll. You are to move around by metro, you will stick to reading the price tags in the shops, and you will end up drinking wine instead of everything else. If you are not happy about this option - forget about Paris, go to a local health center on the bank of some river, accompanied by your wife, your children, your dog and your personal mother-in-law.
The real man would go to Paris alone. The last time he will think about his family is the perfumes section of duty-free shops, making his financial resources and the family's desires come together. By the way, this is going to be the last reasonable thing he does during the whole vacation: airport shops are much cheaper than those in Paris. You will have no time and energy to go shopping anyway.
Make use of every spare minute in the plane. The flight will last just long enough for you to learn a tourist guide by heart, so that later on you could make up a detailed and clear story for your wife.
- So did you go to the museums? - she would ask, looking at you suspiciously.
- Of course, my darling, - you would answer, unwinding for her the stories you learned during the flight. Just in case, make sure you remember: the famous Venus of Milo and "Mona Lisa" are in the museum of Louvre, there is a fascinating panorama of the city from the Arc de Triomphe, and it takes about half an hour by train to get to Versailles where the famous fountains are. In addition to that, Eiffel Tower is not as high as the skyscrapers of Manhattan, and the Bastille was destroyed during the Great French Revolution, you have nothing to do with that.
A single man would start his overview of Paris straight in the airport. The taxi drivers demand unimaginable prices for transportation to your hotel, but after some bargaining they would be happy with half the sum, not counting the tips. Tips would become a part of your routine, that's one thing you have to get used to. Half a euro for the floor-attendant, a euro for the porter, twenty stuffed inside the slips of a striptease dancer - all of these expenses are nothing when compared to the radiant smile the receiver of the money awards you with.
The first day in Paris is the most important one in your single vacations. Have a healthy sleep until the noon, then a shower, a languid glance outside - and off to have a breakfast. No coffee and rolls - a glass of white wine, oysters, a salad, a piece of meat with gorgeous sauce, another glass of wine. After that you can have a sightseeing tour. The exhibition hall of Renault is a perfect destination for a knight in exile. You smack your lips at the posh cars, stare at the short-skirted staff girls, and if you are not tired yet, cross the road and enter Citroen's shop. Another hundred meters - and you see the shining windows of the "Lido" cabaret. For 200 euros you get a dinner and a pack of strong emotions. Then you have two options: either you drink everything that is left and off to bed, or you start looking for a companion for the night. Right here, at the next table. Linguistic problems do not matter at all: every language is welcome at the "Lido", although the most welcome sound is the crunching of money.
As for the drinks, genuine Frenchmen drink everything that is liquid. Nevertheless, the real experts prefer to buy drinks, everything from cognac to tonic, in the "Nicholas" shops. They allow you to taste before choosing, which is very convenient, especially in the morning. If you manage to make a good start, your vacation is going to be fun and very memorable. Just don't forget to revise your bank account every morning. Leave your last 50 euros for the metro to the airport and for getting home. All the rest could be invested into girls from Place Pigale, red lamps of Moulin Rouge, most recent achievements of science in sex-shops, living pictures in the peep-show; as a complement - shrimps, frog legs, oysters, squids... On your way back from the single vacations, stretching your tired legs in the "Boeing", just recall the classic phrase that you only live your life once.
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